In my writing I try to be as honest as I can think to and have the courage to be. Especially when a post is categorized “Sex” there will be messy reflections–usually pertaining to relationships. In short, these are confessions. I am bringing the hidden things towards the light in an attempt to be freed of their unseen power over me.
I am trying to gain a true picture of myself. Romans 12:3 says “…Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment.” This is SO hard. I usually get it wrong. I frequently find myself vacillating between self-deprecation and self-glorification, especially in my own head. Both are forms of pride. Both place me on the judgment seat to decide who I am. This is only the right of a creator. There is actually no such thing as a “self-made man.”
In this blog, I will strive to find a third way of seeing myself–not as a bad or good guy, but as someone needing a definition. Therefore, in my self-exploration, I will try to write what I see, and not hastily jump to conclusions. Then, I will leave the judgment up to an expert. To one who has the authority to judge–namely God, but perhaps also his true followers (John 20:23).
In my attempt to be honest I may fail to speak truth. I may tell you that I am a selfish person, but this may or may not be entirely true. It might just be that I feel selfish, or realized I did something selfish. I might not be able to qualify it very well in the moment because it’s too raw, too fresh. I might only be able to get it out. To me, that’s ok because I think it’s when one is trying to be open and honest that hidden truths comes forth. As a reader of my blog, please listen for the truth imbedded in the honesty. If I tell you that I am wise, please listen for truth in the statement. If you discover that I am only selectively wise, philosophically wise, or some other kind then feel free to let me know what you see. If I tell you that I am a coward, listen for truth there too. You may discover that a man who calls himself a coward is never a complete coward, for he could never admit cowardice without real bravery in him somewhere. Again, feel free to pass it along.
Confession is calling “the deceiver’s” bluff. Satan is constantly trying to convince us that if we show people or God certain things about us, we will be abandoned, shamed, and shunned. But the Bible says that if God is for us who can be against us. Therefore, confession is an affirmation that God is for us and those who are for God will be too. When we confess and God receives us like the father of the prodigal son come home, the accuser is silenced–his lie exposed. What’s more, we are somehow changed. Because of this, I have a new desire to walk ever closer to God. The part of me that was wrestling against God is now living with Him. This is the power of grace.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9
I just received a forward from a friend that discusses this in a much more concise and profound way than I can. My favorite line is when she says the original latin definition of the word courage (cor) is “to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.” WOW! This is the kind of courage I’m after.
I highly recommend this video: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html